Dear Young Trish,
Hello. I am you, writing this 16 years into the future.
I know you are thinking that you’ll be owning your own flower shop, or illustrating childrens’ books by now. You think you’ll be married to Christian Bale and that Winona Ryder would be your kids’ godmother or something. And you think you’ll be living in a big old glamorous house on the Navesink river, spending your evenings painting in your huge studio, performing in sold out operas over the weekends and your hair would have straightened out by now too.
Everything isn’t what you thought, but it’s okay. You live in Arizona (I know, right?) and you married a handsome man who is your best friend and loves you very much. (More than Christian Bale would have, because I suspect he is a wife beater.)
A few tips on surviving the next few years because things are about to be a little rough for you.
#1. Red lipstick doesn’t disguise your braces. It accentuates them. Cut it out.
#2. Your sister and you might grow apart a little, but later she’ll be your best friend in the whole world, so don’t worry about it.
#3. That mean girl Stephanie who picked on you and Amy in school gets pretty fat. Sweet.
#4. Mom’s going to get really sick, but she’ll make it. Do NOT waste your 20’s worrying about every headache and thinking you are dying or you’ll give yourself panic attacks and waste a lot of time. You’re okay, I swear it.
#5. You can best hide from the cops by rolling under your car and covering with leaves. You’ll need that one in about 2 years.
#6. It’s never too soon to start exercising. Sure you’re thin now, but sometimes things change! Also, can you work on curbing that pasta habit now? It would help me out ALOT.
#7. Don’t buy that weird navy blue and cream dress from the thrift store in Red Bank for your sweet sixteen party. You’ll really hate the pictures later.
#8. You’re going to meet a lot of amazing people over the next 16 years. It just takes a while after moving to Arizona, but try not to be so depressed about it. To name just a few: Jeff, Buck, Brianna, Amy and Torey. They will all show up sooner or later! Not to mention your husband Kane. We love him.
#9. Seriously think about getting more schooling. It actually does help later in life to have a better degree. It’s not just for junior republicans!
#10. No matter what happens or where you are, don’t ever stop creating art. Keep working on new ideas and new projects and the rest of your life will happen as it should.
#11. You don’t suddenly feel like a grownup who’s got it all figured out one day. Or if you do, it still hasn’t happened yet.
#12. You’ll be super glad you never tanned like the rest of the girls at your school. No wrinkles yet! Nice!
#13. Don’t use credit cards ever. Trust me. Just don’t. You don’t need all that shit from the Delia*s catalog that bad.
#14. Stop wearing so much black. Mom is starting to think you’re a devil worshipper. Get some pastels up in there!
Good luck and try to remember to be nice to people.