Today I was browsing through the feed on my facebook page, the way I do every morning after checking emails, but before going to pinterest. I have a strict time-wasting website schedule. Anyway, I came across a post from a friend of mine, someone I’ve only hung out with once or twice, but I’ve gotten to know her pretty well from FB. She is always posting pictures of her husband, her son and daughter, and they always seem really happy and like they are having a great time together. It’s nice to see some positive posts, since 90% of my feed is just people complaining about stuff. Myself included.
Anyway, the post this morning was basically this: “Last night my daughter told my husband that she thinks she is ugly. That she looks ugly with her glasses on. She seemed so sad and her little voice sounded so fragile. If anyone could leave a comment for her, to help her feel better and I will read them all to her. Thanks.” (For her privacy I paraphrased a bit.)
Heart. Breaking. This kid is only 6, and she just recently got her glasses. Now I’ve seen some kids out there that are, shall we say, “less than handsome”, but this little girl is not one of them. She’s adorable, and her little tiny glasses are ridiculous. So cute.
But to read that this morning just made me so sad for her. I can relate, I was really self-conscious when I got my glasses too. Kids can be horrible to one another, and according to the unabridged version of the post, this “ugly” business was brought on by some less-than-awesome comments from her classmates. I got my glasses when I was about 7, and I got some teasing about it myself. Luckily I was the kind of child that had very early on established my “take no crap from nobody” reputation, so a few threats back and some nasty glares from me and the bullying started to go away.
But the harder bully to deal with was myself. I felt weird. I felt like my glasses were like a wall between me and other people, and I just couldn’t forget that they were on my face, making me feel different and awkward. I wore them as little as possible, but it was hard because I couldn’t see the blackboard in school without them.
I wasn’t really comfortable wearing them until I was older, in high school, and I was far more concerned with more important things like flirting with guys and shopping for Doc Martens and babydoll dresses. And by that time, they became an actual accessory. I liked that they made me look smarter, and I liked picking out cool frames. I also liked that guys suddenly seemed to like girls with cute glasses, thanks to indi-tarts like Lisa Loeb, so I exploited that to my advantage.
But the years of wearing my glasses and feeling different were tough. I hate thinking that this little girl feels bad about herself for something so trivial. But when you are a kid, glasses are NOT trivial. They are major. They are on your face, messing up your life and they are the end of the world if they make you different or if the other kids make fun of you.
It’s easy to look back on those times now that I’m older and be like, “Glasses are no big deal, just ignore those other kids.”. But in that moment as a kid, you just can’t do that. I hope that this girl finds the strength to ignore the bullies. I hope that she finds a way to be okay with how she looks, and to appreciate looking smarter than the other kids. It’s something that has to come within, and nothing anyone says will truly make her feel good about herself until she realizes it herself.
But the best thing ever would be if these mean kids would just mind their own business and stop picking on kids for stuff that really matters ZERO in the real world. Do they hear parents picking on other adults for similar stuff? Do the parents tease the kids about small stuff, thinking it’s just light-hearted? It’s not. Kids take stuff to heart and something you think is just “teasing” really takes the helium out of their balloon, so to speak.
So maybe we should all watch the way we tease each other sometimes, or how critical we can be of strangers and even our own families. Bullying is such a huge problem in this world, when all we need to do to solve it is just break the cycle and be a little sweeter to each other.
I hope this girl figures out that she is beautiful and that she has no reason to be hard on herself or feel awkward. I hope she learns to look up to smart and beautiful women like Tina Fey, Zooey Deschanel and Rashida Jones who wear glasses and look awesome doing it.
And I also hope she tells those kids where to shove their “opinions” of her.